Birthday Boy
by SugaMama09
Summary: Renji Abari gets a lot more than he expected for his birthday, good & bad. One-shot. Yaoi, OOC


[Takes a bow] Allo fellow readers. This is my first ever fic with an anime other than Inuyasha. I'm excited though because it's different. I'd really like any type of feedback [though flames will only be used to light the coals for my hookah], whether it's positive or constructive criticism. Enjoy! =D

Sidenote: I do tend to write "&" instead of "and"; I fell into that habit way back when I first started taking keyboarding in middle school. I only bring that up because so many people bitch about it so before you read on, know what you're getting yourself into lol

I also finished this story up at almost 3am so pardon any grammatical errors & whatnot. Carry on =]

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I am excited. In three more days it is going to be my twenty-first birthday (twenty one in human standards; for every 7 years on earth, a Shinigami ages one year)& I just _knew _all of my friends are going to go all out for me. I could see it now: soon as I walk into work, I'd get a some kisses & smacks on the ass (because admit it, all these women in the office know I'm the shit & I have the body of a Greek god) & they'd fight each other to hand me their presents which I'd sincerely thank them for & head for my office where there would be all of my friends & they'd jump out, turn the lights on & yell, "SURPRISE!" & then some hot, naked babe would pop out of the enormous birthday cake & start giving me a lapdance...

"Renji"

I blinked, bringing myself out of my little fantasy as my boss called me. "Yes?"

"You have too much paperwork to have done by five o' clock to be staring in outter space" Byakuya said in his monotone, authoritative voice.

I scoffed, smirking & leaning back in my rolling chair. "Come on now, Byakuya. You gatta learn to be easy for a little while"

"Being easy doesn't pay my bills, Renji"

I laughed out loud. "It could but you'd have to take your clothes off first!"

Byakuya glared at me & I sobered up before clearing my throat & getting to work. I ain't scared of Byakuya, hell nah. He was too pretty & hated even having a string hanging from his clothes to even be intimidating. But seriously his glare is something else. It's like he hopes that if he glares at you hard enough he'll set your soul on fire & burn you from the inside out. You know, that freaky, non-perverted power shit some people can do around here, like that Urahara guy.

Anywho I finished my report, signed a couple hundred contracts & planned the graduation celebration for the newbies with Byakuya. Well actually it was more like I was suggesting we do this, this, that & the other & he'd nod or say no. He was so uninterested in these kinds of things but I thought it was kind of neat. It sure was something to look forward to other than endless paperwork.

I glanced at the clock & _oh, glory _it was five o' clock! I clapped my hands & took a deep breath then proceeded to clean off my desk & put the paperwork in their respective places. Oh I was going to drink sake until my piss looked & tasted like it. Not that I would drink my piss so I wouldn't actually know if it'd taste like it...ANYway, moving on...

"Later, Kuku" I said, saluting Byakuya with my index & middle fingers.

"I've already told you not to call me that, Abari" he responded, not even bothering to look up from his paperwork. It is a sin to not feast your eyes on this glorious body of mine! I have a body too sexy to even grace the cover of fashion magazines; I'd send the photographers & fellow models into a sexual frenzy & we'd never get anything done & Byakuya won't even spare me a _goodbye _glance? Ah, hell nah.

I went over to his desk & leaned my hands on it heavily. If I had boobs he'd have the most awesome cleavage all up in his face. "Byakuya..." I say in the sultry voice I usually only use on the ladies when I want to get in their pants or something.

"What, Abari?"

I cleared my throat several times until he looked up at me with irritation, the only other facial expression I've ever seen him wear besides that blah mask.

"You have a good weekend, alright?" I said huskily & winked before walking off like a boss. I know he was looking at my ass, hell, I would've been looking too.

I high fived some men on the way out & winked at the ladies, their swooning music to my ears. Oh how they adored & worshipped me. A man like me never got tired of it.

Fast forward to the day before my birthday & I go to work with a damn big smile on my face.

"I have arrived!" I announced, holding my arms out as soon as I walk into the building.

Mihane, the cute ninth seat, giggled. "We would've known even if you hadn't said anything"

"Aw, babe, that wounds me deep!" I dramatically put my arm on my forehead & drape myself across her desk, "It wounds me so deep!"

She smiled. "You're something else, Abari"

I straightened & gave her my sexiest smile & a wink before continuing on to my desk. I recieved a couple of, "Good morning, Lieutenant Abari", "Good morning sir, looking good", & "Good morning, sexy" but no one mentioned anything about my birthday. I mean really? I was probably the most handsome & popular guy in this whole damn squad & no one was going to say anything? Fine, let's see who tells their asses happy birthday when their shit comes around! Not this guy!

I burst into the office, recieving a raised eyebrow from Byakuya who was already halfway through his stack of papers. He began flexing his fingers so I knew he was rushing.

"Would you care to tell me what caused you to burst in here like some bratty teenager?" he asked quietly.

"Nope!" I grunted & set my stuff down. I already knew today was going to be a long day.

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Lunchtime came & Byakuya stood & glanced at me.

"No thanks" I said automatically, looking out the window.

"Should your attitude effect your work I'll see to it that you straighten up" Byakuya said quietly & left.

Man, whatever. Funny how folks are always acting like they're the shit & you're just being petty but when their shit comes around & you don't say nothing to them, oh, _then _they wanna get an attitude! _Then _there's a fucking problem! Man, whatever. We'll see just how many of them bastards come to me for favors & shit when payday comes around!

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I sighed which grew into a yawn as I stretched. Damn I'm tired. Me & Byakuya had to work late tonight, thanks to a couple of annoying newbies that turned in their paperwork late. So damn inconsiderate. I mean really we don't put up deadlines because we like to run around the Society, posting them & making announcements over the damn PA (ok, we kinda like talking over the PA). They needed to get their shit together before they enter the academy & get a rude awakening.

"You're free to leave, Abari" Byakuya said quietly, "I can take care of the rest of the paperwork"

I raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

He nodded & sipped from his mug that contained what the mortals on Earth called coffee. "I am sure"

I sighed & rose from my seat, shrugging into my lieutenant robe. "Thank God cause I was thinking of ways to sneak in a nap without you catching me"

It was (kind of) a joke but he didn't even bother to smirk. I scoffed. So typical. I don't know why he thought smiling or even laughing was some sort of crime or something. I mean damn I could understand if his teeth were messed up but they're actually really nice. If he smiled I bet he could be in a toothpaste commercial.

"Alright see ya tomorrow"

He waved a hand without looking up & I rolled my eyes. Had it been any other time of day I would've tried the seduction thing again but it was late & I was ready to crash. The only person left in the building was Mihane who was playing a card game on her computer, looking like she was having about as much fun as an ADHD kid at his great-grandmother's house.

She looked up & gave me a tired smile. "Have a nice night, Abari"

"You too, sugar jugs"

She giggled & I grinned. She better remember what tomorrow was or she'd lose that nickname _real _quick.

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I sat up in bed & grinned. Who has two thumbs & another year under his belt? This guy! Fuck yeah. I hopped up & took a lovely hot shower that made me feel like a million dollars as I strolled out stark naked. I glanced at myself in the mirror & smirked, putting my hands on my hips. I don't think I was hung like an octopus or anything but I was impressive & had a banging body. I had skin clear of acne (though I did have a few scars on my arms & legs), a muscular body that was that sexy kind of muscular not like pumped up on steroids kind of muscular & I had dimples in my lower back. I mean really, how many people had that? I don't care what anyone said, I was sexy & everyone knew it.

I felt like skipping to work today, I was in such a great mood. I passed by a few newbies & a few members of the Stealth Ops (with their ninja asses scaling the rooftops) but I only received a hand salute & a good morning. No, no. I was not going to get mad. They didn't even really know me, much less when my birthday was. I was going to keep my head for now.

I thought about bursting into the sixth division office like I usually did: loud & obnoxiously but then I thought about it. If I just came in quietly then everyone would know something was up & they'd remember my birthday. I hated reminding people of my birthday the day of; it completely sucked the fun out of it so I calmly walked through the door & grinned at Mihane.

She gave me a wide smile. "Good morning, Lieutenant Abari. You have a messege from Substitute Soulreaper, Kurosaki Ichigo"

My stomach flipped excitedly as I stepped forward & recieved a yellow slip of paper that had a drawing of Ichigo, standing with his foot on my head as I laid with X marks over my eyes, his head thrown back, laughing with the caption, "Happy birthday loser" written under said picture. I growled & crumbled up the paper, throwing it away on my way to my office. Damn that Ichigo. I was going to kick his ass the next time I saw him & _then _who was going to be laughing? This guy.

As I opened the door, expecting a, "SURPRISE!" I was very...very disappointed to only find Byakuya with his hand going a mile a minute, signing contracts & a chocolate candy bar on my desk.

"Good morning, Abari" Byakuya said quietly, his eyes still on the papers.

I sighed. "Yeah thanks for the happy birthday wish" I said with a roll of my eyes.

He looked over at me curiously. "Today is your birthday?"

"Yes! Damn" I wanted to say more but the only things I could come up with were outright disrespectful. I'll hold my tongue. For now.

Byakuya frowned slightly before turning back to his contracts. "Well happy birthday then"

"Gee thanks" I muttered.

I spent a lot of time with the permission slips & contracts from the Research & Development Institute (they wanted permission of some kind to use lower class Hollows for testing since humans were deemed off-limits) but I spent most of the day plotting in my head. Ok, ok, I know birthdays are really not that big of a deal but it's also not going all out of your way to tell me happy fucking birthday either! It took all of about three seconds to say & then when someone _finally _says it, it wasn't even enthusiastic! But no...no, that's ok...because I _will _get my revenge.

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The five o' clock chime sounded & I sighed, nearly throwing my pen down on the desk. Damn how many contracts & permission slips were required before you got the permission granted? I mean seriously.

I straightened my desk up & stood, gathering my things.

"Have a good afternoon, Lieutenant" Byakuya said quietly, finishing up with his contracts.

I rolled my eyes (only because he wasn't looking). "Yeah"

I walked out, still shrugging my robe on & Mihane gave me a bright smile as she looked up from her paperwork.

"Goodbye, Lieutenant Abari"

I sucked my teeth & gave her a side-eye. "Yeah, whatever"

I didn't care that I was making a big deal out of this but _come now _it was really not that hard to say happy birthday & maybe gift me here & there. I only wanted a stripper coming out of a birthday cake anyway. I sighed as I dug in my pocket for my house key...only to find said pocket empty. Son a cock-sucking lame ass bitch, I left my fucking keys in my drawer.

I heaved an exasperated sigh & stomped (gracefully) back to the office. Upon my return I absentmindedly noticed Mihane wasn't at the reception desk. I brushed it off, thinking she'd just gone to the bathroom or something.

As I opened the office door I nearly shat my pants at the shouted, "SURPRIIIIIISE!". I swear I almost fainted. Everyone in the office had thrown me this surprise party! Aww they really shouldn't have...ok, they should have, considering this is me we're talking about here.

I smiled as they began to sing happy birthday to me & I actually felt myself blushing. I haven't blushed since the first time I watched porn. Some of the men stepped forward to give me punches but the women, bless their sweet hearts, each gave me twenty one kisses on the cheek (though I turned my head at the last second & gave Mihane a kiss on the mouth...which I recieved a punch in the arm for though she laughed).

The crowd moved to reveal a cake almost as tall as me. It looked like a wedding cake, stacked & white but with chocolate syrup running down its sides like a fountain & an exact replica little me at the top with Zabimaru wrapped around me in bankai form as we defeated the Hollows that were crawling up the sides of the cake. I seriously was holding back tears.

As I blew out the candles & everyone cheered, Matsumoto, the tenth division lieutenant, popped out the top of the cake in a lingerie outfit.

"Happy birthday, Renji, darling!" she said, unconsciously bouncing her ample chest.

I stared & absentmindedly felt the blood pouring from my nose. "Um...t-thanks Rangik-ku..."

She proceeded to step slowly out of the cake & sat me down in a chair someone put behind me & give me the most teasing lapdance I'd ever even heard of. Oh I was in heaven. How many times had I imagined her doing something...similar to this? I noticed several of the men were sporting hard-ons & some of the women were blushing or looking away in disgust, mumbling something about "what a whore". I grinned. They were so jealous.

I lost my train of though as Rangiku bent over & kissed me on both cheeks twenty one times before winking at me & sauntering off, slowing licking birthday cake off of her finger. Ohh, I was going to masterbate hardcore tonight.

The rest of the party went by very well; I got some gifts & money & even a pink fundoshi with puppies on it. There was lots of delicious food & of course plenty of sake (which I shared with mostly Rangiku after she came back from changing into her lieutenant robes). I felt loved. I felt a little bad for plotting revenge on these people just a few hours ago but I mean c'mon, how was I supposed to know? I apologized to them in my head anyway.

As people began to leave I noticed Byakuya was still lounging comfortably in his regular seat, staring at me with a little smirk on his face. I blinked. Wait did I say that right? Smirk? More like a wolfish grin. He must've gotten into the sake when I wasn't looking because I have never...I mean _ever _seen him smile in all the hundreds of years I've worked under him as his lieutenant. He really should smile more...it made him look extremely sexy...but that's just the alcohol talking.

"I assume you enjoyed your birthday?" he asked, his voice still quiet but husky.

I nodded, swallowing. Damn my mouth was dry. "Y-yeah it was really cool. You planned that?"

He nodded once, closing his eyes for a moment. "That I did. You didn't think I was over here signing those contracts & permission slips the whole time, did you?"

I laughed a little. "Yeah I actually kind of thought you were"

His eyelids fell half-mast & his grin turned very devilish. My heart stopped & heat rushed to my groin. I never really put much thought into men but I was begining to think that maybe they turned me on just as much as women...only Byakuya though...so that didn't make me gay, right? I mean, I was only gay for him-

"Have a seat" he practically purred.

I hadn't even noticed I was breathing kind of hard until he said that & then I started panting. He stood slowly, set his cup down (I bet there was sake in it) & walked over to me slowly, running his hand from my chest to my shoulder as he stood behind me where he began to gently massage my shoulders.

I laughed nervously. "Uh, Captain...?"

"Relax Renji" he breathed in my ear, "You're so tense"

Oh if only he could feel my pants. "Well y-yeah I mean I have a lot of responsibility as a lieutenant so I mean yeah, I do get just a littl-"

I felt a tingling sensation on the side of my neck as Byakuya bent over to whispered in my ear. "Shhh...you talk too much" he whispered lazily & then started raining kisses on my neck.

Oh man. I don't even think he realized what that simple action was doing to me...or maybe he did & that's why he was doing it. He moaned quietly as his soft hands slipped down the front of my robes & began to slide them apart, still kissing & suckling on my neck. I rolled my head to the side to give him more room & my eyes rolled closed in estacy. Every kiss, every touch sent shocks down my arms & legs & back again, it was driving me crazy.

Byakuya walked slowly from behind me only to stand just out of reach & began to slowly discard himself of his clothing, his deep navy eyes burning with lust & his full lips tilted up into an arrogant smirk. I couldn't stop myself from roaming my hungry eyes over his flawlessly porcelain skin; from his slightly muscular, lean arms down to his flat, rippled abs & continuing on down to his lovely legs (I skipped the most important part to save the best for last). & _then _I came to the meat of it all & though he wasn't hung like a horse & so wide it needed a 'wide load' sign my mouth still watered. His body was simply perfect.

"You like what you see?" he purred, raising an eyebrow

"Ohh, yes" I breathed, causing him to chuckle.

My heart stopped as he stepped forward & straddled my waist, wrapping his arms around my neck & gently took my hair down. I inhaled his scent, my eyes fluttering closed. He smelled so good, like honey & musk. I wondered randomly what he tasted like.

"I always found your hair..." he started in a low, lazy voice, "So very sexy"

I cocked an eyebrow, giving him my best lopsided grin. "Is that so?"

"Yessss" he drawled & ran his fingers through it. Ohhh how I wanted to purr, it felt so damn good.

He slowly pushed the rest of my robes off of my shoulders & ran his hands up & down my torso, causing my ab muscles to jump. He grinned, tracing one of the tattoos on my pectoral muscle.

"& these tattoos...even sexier" he cooed & surprised me by leaning forward & planting an open mouthed kiss on my collar bone. My stomach & jaw dropped (in a good way) & I bit back a groan, closing my eyes. Damn his lips were so soft.

"You have such a nice body" he whispered.

Hm, his voice sounded kind of strange...like he was backing away or someth-

I let out a cross between a groan, a gasp & a "oh shit!" as his hand plunged into my hamakas & pulled out my straining dick.

"My, my, Abari" Byakuya cooed, on his knees, his eyes lit up as he started at my cock.

I will forever masterbate to the image of Byakuya on his knees in front of me, my swollen dick in his mouth & his eyes rolling as he gently sucked on the head. Well that & Rangiku sucking the cake off of her finger.

My hand went to Byakuya's hair like it had a mind of its own & I tangled my fingers in the silky strands, my head falling back as I freely moaned. Every suck sent a powerful shockwave up my right leg, causing it to twitch. My toes curled in on themselves everytime he slowly rose his head & when he swallowed me balls deep my stomach felt like it had been submerged in lava.

"Damn baby that feels good" I growled.

I hadn't even bothered to think about what I had just called him until I got home later that night. It was just feeling so fucking good, I was surprised I was able to form those words. His hot mouth left my dick & lowered to my balls where he sucked each into his mouth & made me feel like I was melting & burning. After a moment he went back to sucking me off, going quicker this time, his hair bouncing as his head bobbed. It was nearly impossible to keep my hips still; they kept jerking & lifting until I caught it & forced them to lay still. Hell I didn't know how much experience Byakuya had with this whole blowjob thing & I'll be damned if I make him choke & he bites me or something.

He gave a particularly hard suck & I hissed in pleasure, slowly raising my head to look at him. My heart stopped as I caught his almond shaped eyes narrowed in lust, amusement & alcohol & his tongue wrapped around the head.

"Oh my fuck..." I managed to whisper before he swallowed me whole once again & began moaning, the vibrations running through my legs. I arched my back & cried out; _damn _it felt so good.

"Ohh, fuck, Byakuya! Damn baby that's nice"

He went back to bobbing his head for a moment before repeating the motion & I came unexpectedly. I am not ashamed to admit I screamed. Not like a bitch scream but a very loud yell & my back arched so high my hips came off the chair & my hand clenched his hair hard, holding him to my groin as I rode the awesome climax out. Wow. Just simply wow.

When I relaxed I felt like I was made out of jello & Byakuya licked me clean before leaning up & whispering huskily in my ear, "Happy birthday"

Oh yes. I was _very happy. This was the best fucking birthday ever._


End file.
